Assessments: Relationships & Self
Below you will find some assessment tools to support you in your experience & process of learning & living the gift of self-government - within your own heart & mind, & within your precious relationships.
Relationship Assessment
Person:
How do I connect best with this person?
What does this person do to get my attention?
How do I respond?
How do I try to get this person to do what I want?
How/do I power struggle with this person?
How do I see this person?
How do I see their choices and behavior?
Do I trust that this person wants my happiness/has my best interest at heart, as well as their own?
Do I trust that this person wants to do good?
Do I feel love for this person daily?
What do I do when I don’t feel like I love them?
Do I treat them any differently?
When this person makes mistakes, do I accept that these things happened, care for what is in my role to do so and move on, or do I take it personal, maybe as a threat to me in some way and get upset — and possibly emotionally controlling?
Self-assessment & agency in action
How to get calm in the moment and employ self-directed neuroplasticity (a.k.a. "self-government")
This process below is transforming old patterns & “triggers” into new neural pathways & “cues” for choosing what is truly wanted. This can be used in the moment of a “triggered” response, practiced in a quiet moment to prepare how you will handle such situations or walked through as an opportunity to reflect, looking a little deeper, caring for what is yours to do so:
*Stop.
Push pause... Know that these emotions/feelings are “traffic signals”; communications to & for you, simply indicating what you are thinking/how seeing/what experiencing.
*Take a or a few lower ribs expanding breaths: in through you nose, gently out your mouth. Bounce on heels &/or shake arms & legs a bit if feeling especially activated or agitated, as this can help the body move the chemicals and electrical nervous system reactions out.
*Look: Ask...
"What just happened?"
Describe just the facts:
When: "Just now..." Or "Just a moment ago..." etc.
Who: "They...." Or "I..."
What: "This happened..." Or "They did this..."
“What am/was I feeling?”(Describe from an observant view.)
"What did I/normally do I think when I have this feeling?”
Or...
"What did I/normally do I think that led to/leads to this feeling?”
*Describe:
“Just now, when _______, I felt/feel _________. I saw it as/was thinking/had the thought _________.”
*Listen...
Now, ask a thinking/truth seeking question to come more fully back into your pre-frontal thinking brain & open your heart and mind to the whole truth:
"And, what is the rest of the story?"
“Is this automatic thought the truth? Is it the whole story?"
What is “the rest of the story”, the full/er picture here?"
"What is the truth I need to acknowledge here? Do I need to seek more understanding/a higher perspective here?”
*Do so. Pray. Ask. Seek understanding.
*Reconnect with/to the truth. Breath, center & ground in it. Holding hands over heart or tapping gently and reassuringly on your heart area as you do so, can beautifully support our brain, body and whole nervous system in rewiring, in "relearning", this new way of engaging.
5. *Go...
"What is the truth my system needs me to speak right now, within myself?"
Then, we can ask: "What is my role here? What skill do I need to use, to communicate effectively what I need to?"
What skill/loving action/tools/words do you now have to show up as you are given to, in the situation before you?
Sometimes, this can be as simple and powerful as: "I'm okay."
Sometimes, we can add: "Even though ______. It's okay. I got this. I know what to say, and I know what is mine to do here. I am okay. We got this."
Then, we take right action, that is ours to do so.
Or, for a less detailed version of all of this…
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“When ________, I think/see it as ______ and feel _______.”
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“And, what is the truth; “the rest of the story”/full picture here?” "What else could also be true?"
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“I now see __________ and now choose to _________.”
